I'm 42 years old, (It seems really weird writing that as it doesn't quite add up to my internal version of myself) and I haven't a clue who I really am. It suddenly struck me about five minutes ago that I know less about myself now than I ever have.
How did this happen? When did this happen?
One constant that I've had is that I've always know who I was as a person. Yes, I may be a bit flighty and have a short attention span but I was comfortable with that. Currently though I'm not so sure that I'm being me. Or that even more worrying, that I've haven't been me for quite some time.
I feel like a slightly faded copy of myself! I have no direction and feel somewhat flat all the time.
Where is my overwhelming love of life, that spark that has always defined me?
Is this something that happens to all of us as we get older, a by product of our children growing up, something that happens when we are generally worn down by life?
Questions, questions, questions! Anyone have any answers as I don't.
Perhaps, now that I have realised this I can do something about it. I'm not suggesting that I try and 'find myself' as this has never seemed a good concept to me. But I think that I do need to remember who I was and technically still am. Strip away this faded veneer that covers me and re-emerge as a full person again. The Anna I've always been and wish to be again.
Don't go hunting for yourself - Just remember!
I don't think that it's surprising that we disappear into ourselves as on a day to day basis we deal with a lot of heavy stuff. Growing older in itself is exhausting, add to that family illness, stress, financial worries and a ton of other things who wouldn't need to take a breather from being vibrant!
The last few years have been very difficult for me and I think I've become used to being pinned down by it all. I need to fly!
Who's with me?