Tuesday, 28 February 2012

The Flip Side of Motherhood!

What a morning it's been! Yes, I know, its only ten to eight! But it really has, pass me the valium! (Or at least the Quiet Life tablets, wonderful, wonderful things!)

Now don't get me wrong, I adore my children with every breath in my body. They are the best thing I have ever done and I would never be without them but sometimes they make me want to explode!

Take this morning, the small one wakes up to go for a wee at 5.50am! Noisily, as usual so mummy is now awake. Then I need to get up for one (as you do). Back to bed and its still dark so nice and restful? Nope! He's up again, running round to my side of the bed. "Mummy, I need a poo!" So off he goes. I'm then up out of bed to wipe his bum (he just can't seem to get this!) and he's back to bed again.

Five minutes later, he's up again. " Mummy, I need another Poo!" you know the drill, Rinse, wash and repeat! Well, not literally but you know what I mean. Then not long after, he's at it again! Only this time he is refusing to put his PJ bottoms back on! We then have an arguement about this, dad also joins in. Finally, the trousers are back on. By this time, the elder one is up. He can't do anything quietly so the whole house is now up.

I then eventually get my cuppa as daddy is on his way out to work. (You have escaped you smug person!)  Now to face the day properly, I need this! No, I NEED THIS! I also like to read quietly while I drink it and I get up at precisely the same minute every day. But just recently the small one has started to come in and try to disrupt this! " I haven't had any breakfast yet!" 1.5 minutes later " I still haven't had any breakfast". This goes on until I totally freak out and storm out of bed. Then I am attempting to sort my face out in the bathroom. Something else that requires my full attention. Screaming, banging and they have been playing a fighting game and the small one is hurt! Arrrrghhh! Then I am in the kitchen about to tackle the washing up. (Which is the highlight of my day! It really is! ) Small head pops round the door, I am still hungry!

It is at this point that I begin to wonder if I am actually a person at all! Have I just become a 'thing'?. Some integral part of the house that is there to serve. If only I had the patience of 'Andrew' in Bicentential Man. (I think my family would prefer him too, less shouting for a start!)

And so here I am at 8.04! They are still here until school time so who knows what wonders they will delight me with. :)

To all of those other mums out there - Respect, ladies. We all deserve medals, trophies, new clothes, chocolate (lots and lots of chocolate).

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Mummy! Why does the hall smell of cheese?

It wasn't cheese! It was something far, far worse. I think there must be something wrong my my eldest sons sense of smell! It was the remains of my youngest sons tummy bug that struck us down on Tuesday evening. A 'Sneak attack' as he keeps telling every one!

The evening was going along as normal, Mr was play Skyrim on the PS3, I was looking up a vitally important fact for him on my Playbook to aid the game. Then all of a sudden it happened. The small boy just exploded with liquid vomit, all over himself, the sofa, the carpet and his dad! This was to be the pattern for the next three days. The sofa covers have never been so clean!! No sooner were they dried and returned to the furniture than they'd be off and in the washing machine again. Quite good in one respect as I'd forgotten how bright a colour they were!

And so, out came 'the bowl'. There it is look on the right -
This bowl is like the olympic torch of sickness in our house. We've all been attached to it over the years. It follows the sick person about whereever they go. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Those of you that know me will wonder where my lovely black oven top boards have gone with the jalopeno peppers on. Well, thats another story - the other week I had a visit from those mischevious goblins that turn your hob on when you aren't looking. I should think you can guess what happened next, my lovely hob covers are no more. :(

Three days and nothing would stay down, I probably didn't help that I kept giving in to him asking for some juice, even though every time it made him sick and we'd both agree that water was best from now on. By Friday afternoon (after a particuarly nasty curdled milk incident in the morning after daddy had given him some for breakfast) the sickness seemed to have gone away. Therefore it must have been time for the other end to get some action!! All over my hall carpet. I cleaned, bleached, cleaned, scrubbed and would the smell go away!! No, it damn well wouldn't.

Thankfully, you will be pleased to know that Mr just got the carpet washing machine out (I can't do it as it is about the same size as I am!) and the smell has now gone away. Phew! We can all breathe again!

Although not completely better, my little man seems to be on the mend. Just in time for half term. Oh goodie! I'm just wondering which of us is going to get the bug next!

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Fabulously Funny February Finds!

It's been literally years since I did one of my 'featuring' blog posts. So I thought that one was well overdue. Here it is ....

As things are rather manic at the moment and my smallest boy is poorly, (rather long story involving bucket loads of vomit covering himself, his father, the sofa and most of the surrounding area!) I thought I would look for some funny items to cheer everyone up.

Fabulously Funny February Finds!

Valentine Card by Spiffy Little Things
I'm still on my first husband so it goes without saying that he is my favourite, I do know people who could make use of this though.  :)

Handcrafted Shabby Chic Plaque by Handcrafted by Mary-Jayne
I don't know about you but every day seems to be a bit like this in my house!

Funny Cross Stitch pattern by ucladoc

This could have been made for me specifically! It really could.

Toilet Decal by Walking Dead Promotions
Oh yes! Now wouldn't this be fantastic, we could also do with wifi enabled lamp posts while they are at it, dust bins perhaps. Let's just make everything wifi because let's face it, we'd all end up in the loony bin if it suddenly disappeared!

So there we go, a little amusing distraction. It certainly cheered me up finding them despite the fact that I have other work that I should have been doing. Ahem! So much to do, and I have the small person home again so it's all - fetch this, change that, need to wipe this every five minutes. Oh how I have missed it - NOT!
Bless him, at least the weetabix he just had hasn't made a reappearance, yet!

Monday, 6 February 2012

Contact Lenses make me grey and a random bout of idiocy

Many, many years ago (I'm not saying exactly how many!) I was a contact lense addict! They'd be in as soon as I awoke and still in the following morning (yes, I actually arrived home at the exact time my alarm went off once - what a wild child I was! not). At that point in my life, no way was I to be seen wearing my glasses by anyone! With the exception of one miserable week at work where I contracted a random bout of hayfever during the summer. I looked just like Christopher Lee out of Dracula, there was no way I could get the lenses in. Which I think says how bad it was as normally I'd manage no matter the circumstances. I once drove from Exeter to Torquay with one lense in as I'd stayed out overnight and lost one! (Shocking I know!) But it did get to the point when the Opticians threatened to take my precious lenses off me if I didn't stop wearing them so much. (What a terrifying thought!)
As it turns out, things didn't get that far as years later, after I was married, I had children!
Sleepless nights tend to put everything in perspective - or out of it, depending on the cirumstances. No way was I going to put little bits of polymer in my eyes after I'd been awake for about a month non stop! Over the following five years my opinion of my eyewear changed dramatically and by the time my youngest arrived I was not wearing lenses at all!

Anyway, in Autumn last year (I don't say autumn to sound posh but more because I can't quite remember which month it was - senior moment!) I made the bold leap into contact lense wearing again. I have to say that it was nice to have them back, even if I did keep poking myself in the eye constantly because I can't seem to break the habit of pushing my glasses up! It did however, come with one shock that I face every morning. I am putting it down to the rimmed world of my glasses keeping me safe but the first morning I looked in the mirror with my new lenses I noticed it! I was turning into Lily Munster!! Where had all those grey hairs come from, in that streak on my head! Why could I never see them before, OMG everyone had been seeing them for ages! So in some ways, perhaps my little bespectacled world was better!

I did have issues with the first couple of sets of lenses they gave me actually. Not because I couldn't see but because I couldn't get the little blighters out!! Every time I wore them, they welded themselves to my eyeballs. This was highly stressful and caused me to panic on a number of occassions. One time Mr even had to remove one for me. Talk about paranoid! I actually stopped wearing them again. On visiting for my lense check I was relieved to find that I wasn't the first to experience this and that it was the polymer that the lense was made from and not me. Phew! I am happy to say that I wasn't being totally useless and can now pop my lenses in and out like I always used to. The grey streak remains though! :(

Now, for the random bout of idiocy that I simply must share with you as I feel I may have been a total idiot for years now! I am sure my best friend won't mind me sharing this as I would think she probably still giggles about it now!

As I am a total makeup idiot (Used to look great but I think that was purely accidental and helped by a young face - unfortunately can't get away with that anymore, sigh!), in fact I'm a bit of a useless woman all round to be honest. I rarely carry a handbag, and if I do it never has 'girly' things in it. No hairbrush, no make up etc. I'm not really into shoes, clothes aren't really my thing either. I do LOVE shopping, can't deny that but I'd rather go in comet and look at gadgets than the nearest shoe shop.
But anyway, I am straying from the point. My best friend Sprinks quite often replenishes my make up bowl for Christmas, birthdays etc (as she is totally fabulous at all things girly :))
For my birthday this year she came up with yet another fantastic selection of goodies. One of them being a new foundation. Well, after a few days of using it I felt I just HAD to ask the question:

Me: I'm about to ask you a really silly question.
Me: That foundation you got me, what do I do with the stick thing?
Sprinks: Stick thing?
Me: Yep, that stick thing when you open it, do I use that to apply?
Sprinks: It has a push button top!
Me: Nope, just unscrews and has a stick
Sprinks: Have they removed the button? I'll look at mine.
Me: (Runs off to the bathroom to check)
Me: Aha!! I see now, it was stuck!

Now this is quite amusing in itself, but is made even funnier (and she doesn't actually know this bit) by the fact that for many years (probably from around 2005-08) I had a foundation that had a stick thing. Now I can't find the article in question, despite looking, and I know it sounds odd but I'm a total pack rat and never throw anything away so its bound to be around somewhere, but I have a sneaky suspicion that this one may also have had a secret missing button and nozzle somewhere. Although I can't be sure so do you think I should give myself the benefit of the doubt?

I wouldn't actually be suprised. Don't forget that we are talking about the woman who was confused at a smudge on a photograph that she was editing the other day even though she had been trying to rub a mark off her computer screen. (Her touchscreen computer screen! with the smudge tool active)

Saturday, 4 February 2012

It's snow exciting!

I always plan to get so much done at the weekends but it rarely seems to happen.  Take today for instance, I am currently sat on the sofa, snuggled up under my favourite micro suede blanket with yet another coffee.
The coffee is a definite no no! Anyone that has frequented the Creative Connections chatroom recently is well aware that I have been forcing down gallons of water to clear a UTI so I don't have to brave a visit to the doctors. Mind you, I can't escape that adventure for long as I received an 'Invitation' to book an appointment for a smear test! An Invitation! Is this some new ploy to make it sound more appealing. Well, I am afraid it hasn't worked. I shall of course go, at some point, after I run out of excuses.
On to a more pleasant subject. There was a bit of excitement this morning when it was discovered that it was snowing.  Not a lot of snow, but it's the first we've seen this year. It kept both boys glued to the window for oooooo 5 minutes.
It is snowing! The flakes did get bigger before it stopped and started to rain.
So the excitement is now over. The snow has stopped. My eldest is on his laptop watching youtube videos of other people playing computer games. (I really don't get this!) Mr is on his laptop trying to get a graphics tablet I bought the other day to work. (Both of these two have headphones on so I'm not entirely sure why we all need to be in the same room. The little one is watching CBeebies and making a mess with some cheese Doritos, and I have almost completed my first post via my recently acquired Blackberry Playbook. Go me! Does anyone else have weekends like this or is it just me? I see all of these Facebook posts about families actually doing things together, don't get me wrong, we have tried this, it just never goes too well. I think that maybe this is how we do spend our togetherness.  We are all in the same room at least!

Friday, 3 February 2012

Feeling a bit snippy!

I'm so not fun to be around this morning! My youngest has recently decided that he needs to get out of bed for a wee several times a night! By the 5am one I finally decided to give up sleeping completely hence the 'snippiness' and desperate need for coffee! I'll be flagging early tonight people!

Not a good look!

Can you believe how quickly time is passing at the moment though? I am getting seriously worried about it, it'll be Christmas again before we know it and we'll all be yet another year older! Having just had my birthday this week, I could do without that! Not that it was a bad day, it was rather nice. I even managed to stay away from work for much of the day! Result! Although I was up at 2am on the computer the following morning. Yes, not so good. I blame it on my birthday pressies!

They know me so well! :)

I have been concerned though about time and work! I always thought that when my little one started school, that I would get so much more done! I mentioned this to Mr last night and he said "But you are getting more done, you just keep giving yourself more to do" and he was sooooo right.

As I seem totally incapable of reducing my work load I have decided to attack it in a more organised manner. Yes, you guessed it, I've started using task apps again. I am determined to see it through this time (cough). I will keep you posted as to my progress. ;)

Just another quick thing, as I was awake at 5am this morning I decided to make myself useful. I added a News App to my playbook and started to subscribe to my favourite blogs so that I can keep up more easily. My current favourite is one of my lovely writers for the magazine. If you haven't come across her blog before then you must be off to it immediately as you won't be disappointed. I give you - the very talented - and gorgeous - Betty Bee!

Visit Bettys Blog here
I am currently on the lookout for more interesting, funny, well written blogs to follow. If you write one or know of any please let me know. :)

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