Friday, 2 December 2016

A Happening Christmas Cake

It’s that time of year when those who are making their own Christmas cake acquire their own bodyweight in dried fruit’ cherries, nuts and various other scrummy things.

We haven’t made own since the millenium but this year effort is being made!

I may do 99% of the cooking in this house but the Christmas cake has never been my job. For the first time though D has helpers! This is both a good and a bad thing as the cast changed half way through from lack of interest! Conclusion – don’t bother asking a teenager to help cook a cake, they just don’t have the staying power. What you need is a super enthusiastic 9 year old.

So, last night the fruit was left to soak in brandy and the cake itself is now being mixed. I’ll pop back and add another piccy when it’s done. 😉

Are you making a cake this year?

This was actually written on the 21st November but I forgot to post it. :)

Friday, 15 July 2016

Do you ever feel like a slightly faded copy of yourself?

I'm 42 years old, (It seems really weird writing that as it doesn't quite add up to my internal version of myself) and I haven't a clue who I really am. It suddenly struck me about five minutes ago that I know less about myself now than I ever have.

How did this happen? When did this happen?

One constant that I've had is that I've always know who I was as a person. Yes, I may be a bit flighty and have a short attention span but I was comfortable with that. Currently though I'm not so sure that I'm being me. Or that even more worrying, that I've haven't been me for quite some time.

I feel like a slightly faded copy of myself! I have no direction and feel somewhat flat all the time.

Where is my overwhelming love of life, that spark that has always defined me?

Is this something that happens to all of us as we get older, a by product of our children growing up, something that happens when we are generally worn down by life?

Questions, questions, questions! Anyone have any answers as I don't.

Perhaps, now that I have realised this I can do something about it. I'm not suggesting that I try and 'find myself' as this has never seemed a good concept to me. But I think that I do need to remember who I was and technically still am. Strip away this faded veneer that covers me and re-emerge as a full person again. The Anna I've always been and wish to be again.

Don't go hunting for yourself - Just remember!

I don't think that it's surprising that we disappear into ourselves as on a day to day basis we deal with a lot of heavy stuff. Growing older in itself is exhausting, add to that family illness, stress, financial worries and a ton of other things who wouldn't need to take a breather from being vibrant!

The last few years have been very difficult for me and I think I've become used to being pinned down by it all. I need to fly!

Who's with me?

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

I'm my own boss so I'm giving myself some sick leave - well almost!

I've definitely been fighting something for a while now as I've had trouble sleeping, had strange things going on in my throat and lungs. Before I went to bed last night I got a case of indigestion which was annoying but not too bad so I didn't think much of it.

Then at 4.30am this morning it woke me up it had become so bad! Off I go into the kitchen to get some gaviscon and while I'm in there I feel like I'm going to pass out. You know the feeling, suddenly all hot and your ears start to ring and your vision closes in. Well I got back to bed asap and it all eased a bit.

Now of course, I'm tired as I've not had enough sleep but the indigestion has calmed down a bit. Weirdly though when I get up to make the boys pack lunches I can hardly walk as it feels like a trapped nerve in my leg. What now!

The boys are at school and I make my way home, stop in the shop for milk and broccolli (what a combination!) and chat to the owner for a bit. Big mistake as the vision is closing in again! Oh no, home quickly.

Now I have a ton of work I have to do at the moment. The Guild won't redesign itself and I have to get onto it but I just feel generally unwell. Arrrrgh! What to do, what to do.

Well, what I actually did (as I'm the boss) is gave myself a few hours off. Sat on the sofa and watched some TV until I just couldn't forget about the work any longer. Aha! A good thing about my desktop pc dying on me last month... I now have a laptop which means I don't have to be in the office. Result!

So here I am, laptop and planner on the sofa, still not doing what I'm supposed to be doing but hey ho, I'm doing something.

Going full pelt when your body is telling you to ease it off a bit isn't a good idea. It won't help you in the long run, so do the right thing and give yourself a break. It's one of the perks of being your own boss and you aren't skiving (even if it feels like you are). You can be your own worst enemy when it comes to making sure you don't burn out so just force yourself to take some time until you feel better.

I'm hoping that things improve tomorrow as I'm sure the work I'll get done today is minimal but either way I'm not going to beat myself up over it and you shouldn't either. :)

Signing off now to do some proper work. ;)

Monday, 20 June 2016

Why waste time worrying?

We all lead such busy lives these days, we hardly take any time to just ‘be’. On the rare occasion that you do get a few minutes to yourself what do you do with it?

Do you read, sleep, watch tv, listen to music, sing, dance, take a good look at the world. Or do you you spend it worrying about things that you cannot change?

I have to admit that I am constantly worrying about things I can’t help. Getting myself all stressed out about something that I cannot change is no use to anyone, most of all me. In the past it has made me physically ill and certainly ruined whatever I was doing at the present time. So why do we do it, does anyone know?

Why do we obsess about something that we are yet to do or probably in most cases isn’t even directly connected to us.

In the general scheme of things life is short. We have a relatively short amount of years on this beautiful planet so maybe, just maybe we could spend them more wisely. Several years ago while travelling in America I saw a sign painted on a wall. It said

“If you cannot breathe, nothing else matters”

This really struck a chord with me. It was totally right wasn’t it! Oh how much we take for granted. Every second of every day of every year we are taking a breath of life giving air and not even noticing it. If it wasn’t there we certainly would. We are never happy with anything - too young, too old, too fat, too thin, not enough money, not enough time, the list goes on and on…

What else are we not noticing?
The wonderful food we eat, the sounds we hear, nature all around us. Not forgetting of course the family around us. The wonderful, incredible, magical thing that we are loved. This MUST be appreciated for it is keenly felt if we lose it.

Yes, I have totally gone off on a tangent but I have just realised that I have recently been guilty yet again of not noticing those all important things.

So does it really matter to you right at this moment that you don’t want to go somewhere next week, that you may have made a mistake with something, that you may be short of money this month?

Just sit and breathe and be!

Try not to be sad about the past or anxious about the future. Be at peace with the present.

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