Monday, 21 July 2014

I can at least see the sun again!

The last few months (actually make that 12) haven't been very kind to me. It has felt like I've been living under a great black cloud! I'm fairly sure (now) that this is a personal black cloud and that things haven't actually been as bad as they have seemed to me but that doesn't make them any less real.

There have been many occasions over the last year when I have truly felt as though I was losing my mind. Somewhere deep inside I've been screaming to get out! There have been personal complications with family and stress of D's work which has meant that my usual support network just wasn't there for me. I didn't feel that I could talk to them or anything I did try to say was too close for comfort and misconstrued or not taken well. I felt very alone....

My cloud got darker and heavier and I felt no joy in anything. I couldn't concentrate, there was nothing I wanted to do and I just wanted to cry all the time. There was a point about a month ago where it was suggested to me that I should visit the doctor and get counseling or anti depressants. I really wanted to avoid this if I could as I feel that it is a slippery slope.

Then about three weeks ago I remembered something. Agnus Castus! The queen of the hormone balancers, I had taken it as a supplement many years ago and totally forgotten all about it. What if my problems (emotional at least) were just wonky hormones? It did feel a bit like permanent PMT!

So I ordered some from Amazon (what would we do without them) and started to take it the moment it arrived. Bizarrely the effects were almost instant, my mind cleared and I felt.... happy! I was able to talk to people without getting grouchy and actually say what I was feeling. I was totally chilled out! Things still bothered me of course but nowhere near as much as they had been. Was I cured?

Well, I don't know yet. It's been about three weeks now and I am still taking them and still feeling... OK. There are situations that need to resolve themselves though and I think my business is going through lots of changes. I need new direction, I'm stagnating.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when things are getting you down, don't just jump for the obvious answers. Many people told me that I needed anti depressants which I really didn't! My cloud hasn't totally dissipated but I can at least see the sun again.

Friday, 18 July 2014

I'm not normal - I'm incredible!

Is something that I have NEVER said! 
But maybe it is time to stop putting ourselves down and actually be nice to US!

I am far harder on myself than anyone else is, my worst critic and I bet you are the same. I'm never the right size or shape, never clever enough, moan too much, don't treat people well enough, could do better! I have wonderful people in my life that tell me I'm fabulous yet I never believe them. The scary thing is that maybe if I tell them enough times that they are wrong then they will start believing it ... and then where would I be?

Why am I so hard on myself?

I had an argument with D the other month (I was being typical me and driving him crazy - see, there I go again!) I was totally down on myself and said I didn't feel that I had achieved anything in my life. He disagreed and said that I cooked tea every night and look at the lovely things I'd bought for the house!

I mean what!!  Really!! This was very uncharacteristic of him, I think I'd annoyed him quite a lot but this tiny list of achievements really shocked me and actually annoyed the hell out of me (and still does, can you tell?)

I think that this was perhaps a slight turning point in my attitude to myself. It's taken a while as I only actually realised it this morning. Because at the end of the day we don't need someone else to tell us our achievements, the best person for that job is YOU! (or in my case me)

When I started to think about it I have achieved many things in my life, in fact the list is endless as every moment I keep adding to it. I think some of my favourites are:
  • After some difficult times, finally finding a man I love who loves me and marrying him.
  • Carrying and giving birth to two beautiful children.
  • Rearing those children, managing to find a way to be able to stay at home and do this myself.
  • Running my own business which helps 100's of people.
  • Generally being an all round good person.
I think that is quite a list don't you? And weirdly I haven't mentioned my obvious skills at cooking and shopping!

OK there are no masters degrees or high flying careers in there (I've been a director of my own company in the past though so been there, done that) but to me the things on my list are important. I think they make me a worthwhile person.

So from now on I am determined to not be so hard on myself. Instead of listing the things that I haven't done I will keep listing things that I have done. I will take each day at a time and stop worrying about things I cannot change. Yes I have physical issues but right at this second I have no magic wand to change them so why not just accept them as part of me.

Is it time that you took a good look at your life and realised that you are totally incredible?

Tell me about yourselves, I want to see those lists. :)

Thursday, 10 July 2014

Is there anyone listening?

I have noticed a trend over the last few years with blogs that is disturbing me. Many of you, like me, started your blog years ago (not quite dinosaur territory but not far off!) and I'm sure that if you cast your mind back you will remember it as being a very different experience than the one you have now.

I remember writing a blog almost every day and receiving comments and new followers and it felt like there was a reason for me to be doing it. Now according to google my posts do still get visited but I think many of these are probably via some mobile app or other which is more of a window than a community.

Noone takes the time to follow you anymore directly from the blog itself or just drop a comment saying Hi. When I received a new follower or a comment I always followed the link to find the person and say thank you. I found many new friends this way. But now that all we get for our posts is silence that is all gone!

I think that this is why I find it so hard to post regularly, it feels like noone is listening.

Do you find this with your blog?

How can we get the interaction back?

If you have found me here and taken the time to read this post please leave me a comment to say that you have passed by, I will do my best to find you and take a look into your world. :)

Monday, 7 July 2014

Blogging Hubbies - favour please!

Hi all!
Yes it's me! I'm still around somewhere. :)

I have a favour....

My wonderful hubby D (of the post-it fame) has started blogging! He has always wanted to write and has finally decided to spend some time every evening after his long day at work to hit the keyboard and aims to post once a day (something I appear to be totally incapable of!).

We long term bloggers know how hard it is to get a new one off the ground, even more so these days as noone seems to follow or comment anymore so if you could find a few minutes in your busy day to pop over and have a quick read (possibly follow if you like it) it would be very much appreciated.

He is still trying to find his style (I've been blogging for 7 years and still haven't found mine) so if you do like any of his posts a share on your blogs could make all of the difference and give him the much needed enthusiasm to keep his daily posts going.

You are such a wonderful bunch I have every faith in you.

You can find the fabulous man here
Those that know me will be well aware of the stress I get with delivery men so On the edge of ourgarden there is a wall will strike a chord. 
"Instead of just inviting people in, I think everyone should spend some time going out, beyond the metaphorical wall. We should all take trips to new lands and by doing so we may find something different. It may not be what we expected, but it will be new and exciting and we can learn and grow from it. "

Or maybe
The blue Hydrangea blossom - Different is good 
is more to your taste.

"If you choose to be different, suddenly you can choose to be whatever you want, to start building the person you would really like to become. It will take work. You will make mistakes, but being different will get you to a new you.

 I love posts that make me feel good so they are ideal for me. He does go deeper though in his earlier posts with 

What would humanity be without music?

Have a look and see what you think and if you like it please share (please let me know in the comments if poss). 
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