The last few months (actually make that 12) haven't been very kind to me. It has felt like I've been living under a great black cloud! I'm fairly sure (now) that this is a personal black cloud and that things haven't actually been as bad as they have seemed to me but that doesn't make them any less real.
There have been many occasions over the last year when I have truly felt as though I was losing my mind. Somewhere deep inside I've been screaming to get out! There have been personal complications with family and stress of D's work which has meant that my usual support network just wasn't there for me. I didn't feel that I could talk to them or anything I did try to say was too close for comfort and misconstrued or not taken well. I felt very alone....
My cloud got darker and heavier and I felt no joy in anything. I couldn't concentrate, there was nothing I wanted to do and I just wanted to cry all the time. There was a point about a month ago where it was suggested to me that I should visit the doctor and get counseling or anti depressants. I really wanted to avoid this if I could as I feel that it is a slippery slope.
Then about three weeks ago I remembered something. Agnus Castus! The queen of the hormone balancers, I had taken it as a supplement many years ago and totally forgotten all about it. What if my problems (emotional at least) were just wonky hormones? It did feel a bit like permanent PMT!
So I ordered some from Amazon (what would we do without them) and started to take it the moment it arrived. Bizarrely the effects were almost instant, my mind cleared and I felt.... happy! I was able to talk to people without getting grouchy and actually say what I was feeling. I was totally chilled out! Things still bothered me of course but nowhere near as much as they had been. Was I cured?
Well, I don't know yet. It's been about three weeks now and I am still taking them and still feeling... OK. There are situations that need to resolve themselves though and I think my business is going through lots of changes. I need new direction, I'm stagnating.
I guess what I am trying to say is that when things are getting you down, don't just jump for the obvious answers. Many people told me that I needed anti depressants which I really didn't! My cloud hasn't totally dissipated but I can at least see the sun again.